About an hour ago I read that Leonard Nimoy had been hospitalized with chest pains late last week. I hadn't seen any news about it from my flist, so I want to be sure that everybody who shares my love for the actor and his iconic character will be sending good thoughts his way. At 83, and suffering from COPD, he'll be going through a pretty rough patch now. LLAP to all his fans.

Pete Seeger died yesterday at 94. His sister Peggy wrote this song, which I've loved for about 50 years. Rest in Peace to an icon of music and social justice. The world is a bit less joyous today.

You were one of the first really marvelous Torchwood writers I found, and your talents are exceeded only by your eloquence, civility, and wisdom. You've shown us, when too many of us needed to be shown, that it is possible to be both passionate and respectful. And I love your Star Trek TOS fics!

Best wishes for a very happy birthday, and a rosy future filled with all good things, personal and professional.

Elrhiarhodan has a great meme which I'm trying out here. I've never done a meme, so please don't laugh too hard at me. Comment on this post by saying "Trick or treat", and I will offer you a treat, even if it's as feeble as a "Thank you for being a friend." But it could be a prompt, or a comment on a story of yours, or a link to something interesting. Obviously I'm not talented enough to write stories or computer-literate enough to do images, but it's only fair to play since Elrhiarhodan wrote me a terrific story for my treat. And then do it on your journal!

Hi everybody!

Just a quick update, and thanks to my daughter for the most awesome Mother's Day present ever.

I had my first chemo session last week, and everything is going well. Torchwood is still providing a lot of distraction and enjoyment, especially my friends' fics and the virtual season. Thanks again to all of you!

And now to the awesome present: my incredibly thoughtful daughter commissioned an original piece of art from Mark Satchwill. Here it is: 



He'll be selling prints on Etsy; you can see it here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/MarkSatchwillArt

Thanks again to all of you!

We're just short of four hours away from the new year, and I've been thinking a lot about this past year and the ups and downs we've all had. Overall, RL has been pretty good this year; my husband and I are still reasonably healthy and enjoy each other's company almost all the time. The grandchildren are beautiful, healthy, and happy, with what this admittedly biased grandmother sees as exceptional artistic talent and wacky senses of humor. Of course, most six and four-year-olds live in a world to which we have only limited access. We still haven't figured out what inspired the four-year-old's drawing which he explained as "A fire guy saying 'Oh no! Oh no!'" And his big sister wrote her very own thank-you note for holiday gifts this week.

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank all my LJ friends and others whose creative work I've enjoyed this year: stories, vids, icons, art, whatever form it took. Specifically to my friends: you are all incredibly kind, talented, funny, generous people who share your gifts freely, even with people like me who consume them eagerly and give you nothing but thanks in return. You've made me laugh A LOT, and cry when I got sucked in to another Ianto's-dead-and-Jack-is-devastated fic.

Which brings me to Children of Eartth and The Year the Fandom Imploded. Now that the dust has settled and I can react intellectually instead of so emotionally, I still think CoE was a flawed piece of work, even apart from Ianto's death. I also think I would have ignored most of the flaws if he hadn't died. But I understand that many people found it brilliant, and that is absolutely fine with me; I'm not threatened by disagreement. It seems that a lot of the venom thrown around came from people who somehow were offended that others didn't share their opinion, as if obviously all right-thinking people must see it their way, and anyone who didn't was either stupid or malicious. (Aside: this perspective is a lot broader than TW fandom, of course, our whole political scene in this country seems to have gone the same way, and there is almost no civil discourse on any topic any more. Rant over.) And I still think RTD acted like a jerk.

Since it is almost certain that Ianto is gone permanently, there isn't much that hasn't been said about the character and the actor who brought him to life. The one big question I have is this: why did Ianto Jones resonate so deeply with so many of us? I've become attached to fictional characters before, from Sherlock Holmes through Starsky and Hutch to Vinnie and Frank (and Sonny!) in Wiseguy, and Jim/Blair, but none to the extent that Ianto affected me. What was it about him that made him so appealing? I would really love for someone to ask Gareth his views, while he's still going to cons. He obviously put an incredible amount of work into Ianto, and he might have some insights into how he worked the magic. After all, Ianto wore his body for a while. Plus, it would be a really nice change from The Question about kissing Barrowman.

Wrapping this up, I want to thank all of you again, with maybe just a special thanks to the wonderful Ask!Verse people for all the hours of enjoyment you gave us, and most especially for coming out of retirement to debunk that awful BBC documentary. And I hope 2010 is full of happiness for all of you; 2009 was a pretty bad year for some of you, and I'm very sorry.

Happy New Year!

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

It worked! Maybe now I can learn how to do cuts.

Well, Ianto is dead. All the rumors were true, and, as blackbird_song pointed out, people we trusted have lied to us. RTD isn't that big a surprise, but Barrowman and Gareth? They encouraged fans of the relationship by saying that we would enjoy it, and then blindsided us. I haven't seen the episodes yet, but I'll keep the DVDs when they come, because it sounds like the acting and overall production values were outstanding. And maybe his death was artistically necessary. It certainly was foreshadowed enough, going all the way back to "To the Last Man," and rammed down our throats in "The Dead Line." No, it's not the end we sentimental fans wanted; although there could never be a happy ending. I suspect most of us are thinking, "But they could have had a little more time, at least." Realistically, I can't see Jack hanging around until Ianto's hair turned grey either. But it was still too soon!

After I began to get over the shock tonight, I realized that this death was not the first to affect me in such a visceral, almost nauseating, way. (Obviously I get way too involved with my fictional characters). In chronological order, these are the deaths that diminished me:

Henry Blake in MASH. His discharge papers came through and he was going home. After the emotional but joyful goodbyes and happiness for him, the shocker came, even worse than tonight because it was so totally unexpected. I can still see Radar, fighting tears, announcing in the OR that Henry's plane had been shot down over the China Sea, and there were no survivors. It would have been bad but not so surprising to have a character killed during a battle, but to have the happy ending in sight and then snatched away was heartbreaking.

Sonny Steelgrave in Wiseguy, one of the slashiest shows ever, and the one that hooked me as intensely as Torchwood has. In the first place, he was portrayed brilliantly by the late Ray Sharkey, three weeks out of rehab and giving it everything he had. Sonny was the gangster whose mob was infiltrated by FBI agent Vince Terranova, who succeeded all too well in making a place for himself. Not only did he con Sonny into trusting and loving him like the brother he'd just lost, but Vince himself was obviously falling for Sonny. Major conflict and angst here; Ken Wahl was brilliant too. At  the end Sonny knew that Vince was a cop; with the Feds closing in, he looked Vince in the eye, said, "I loved you, man," and electrocuted himself. I remember walking around at  work stunned the next day thinking about it. Ironically, later on Vince and his previously-disliked handler (Jonathan Banks) fell even harder for each other; great slash pairing.

Tosh and Owen, of course. "You're breaking my heart" still chokes me up.

And now, Ianto. I don't even want to think about what that will be like, if I have tears in my eyes just reading the bare facts. And it's not like we were totally unprepared, but I kept finding reasons to discount the rumors. And so I am angry as well as sad. But mostly sad.

For the last couple of days, I've been basking in two delightful TW-related experiences, and eagerly looking forward to the icing on the fairy cake, Children of Earth. After such a long dry spell, it's almost overwhelming to have the radio plays and the culmination of the ask_world game on the same day.

As enjoyable as the radio plays have been, they still add up to just two hours and fifteen minutes, plus however much more time I spend replaying The Dead Line, or at least Ianto's monologue. Gareth is awesome. One of the perks of watching TW has been to see him maturing as a man and an actor. Of course he was a competent professional when he walked onto the set, but his growth has been phenomenal, and his talents are too. And with his beautiful speaking voice, he should be able to make a very good living in between acting jobs. And now he's trying his hand at panto - John must be proud of his role in helping Gareth develop. Barrowman probably functions simultaneously as a role model and an Awful Example; sometimes it's hard to tell them apart.

The ask_world game, on the other hand, is responsible for more hours spent online than I want to think about, and I still missed a lot. If there is anyone out there who hasn't been playing in this particular sandbox, it all started with Jack's advice-column blog, which was very funny on its own; its motto was "I shoot your 21st-century problems in the face." Then a brilliant and twisted mind decided that Ianto needed a blog too, and ask_aboutcoffee was born (without consulting the then-unknown creator of ask_captainjack). These two played off each other the way I would imagine exceptionally brilliant jazz musicians could improvise and mesh together seamlessly. Together they created a world every bit as real as the television canon, with cocky but loving Jack who thinks he's the best boss and boyfriend imaginable, and adoring but commitment-phobic Ianto who lies like a rug (he had been broken by Lisa's death, but Jack fixed him with his cock). From the beginning, both creators welcomed and responded in character to comments from nonplayers who were enthralled by their world. Before long, they were joined by Gwen, Rhys, Martha, the Ninth Doctor, PC Andy, Queen Elizabeth II and her butler, Janet the weevil, and the one who made me laugh most of all, John Hart (oh_doask). I know I've left some characters out (the Time Agency rep, Jenny, who else)? If you didn't already know it, there are some very, very intelligent people in this fandom.

Anyway, I know that the perception of humor is even more variable than perception of beauty, and not everyone would find this universe as hilarious as I do. But even more important than the humor is the warmth and acceptance that people showed each other, not only the regular players, but those of us they came to call their civilians. I was a little hesitant to jump into someone else's game by commenting, but the response was so welcoming that I felt a part of the group in no time. And for that, I want to thank everyone who was involved. It had been decided earlier to end the game before Children of Earth, so a few days ago the entire entourage was catapulted into the 53rd century during a party to celebrate the six-month birthday of the adorably evil flappy-eared beagle Max-Theresa. Goodbye and thank you all!